


How Do I Make Google Do The Thing?

by Nanerich



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Everybody's alive and happy, Gen, Steve is a little shit, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, and all the avengers are so close to giving up on him, because hes helpless, catching up with modern times, pure funny fluff, tech tutoring for cap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 14:36:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21199289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nanerich/pseuds/Nanerich
Summary: Watching Steve type on a keyboard… After what Tony endured in Afghanistan, he didn’t use the word lightly, but it was torture. He wouldn’t expect him to be a ten-finger-typer, but was it that hard to use a third one every now and then? Tony was glad that he didn’t have to handle the typing lesson, though having Bruce do it was in retrospect maybe not the best idea, as the hulk-sized hole in the wall reminded them. In moments like these, Tony was admittedly a little bit jealous that he could not give his anger as much gusto; blasting Steve out of frustration just didn’t have the same effect as hulking out on him.





	How Do I Make Google Do The Thing?

“Please, Tony, that stuff is complicated!”

“Creating a twitter account is not difficult!”, Tony yelled exasperated, throwing his hands up.

“Of course you say that, you have been around as all of this” – with an almost disgusted look, Steve gestured at the screen – “developed. Before I went under, we didn’t even dream of something like a computer!”

“Ugh, fine, but this is the last time I help you.”

“Thank you, Tony, I promise to try my best!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever”, Tony grumbled.

If he was to be fair, it was commendable that Steve tried to catch up, tried to get with the times. But it was just so annoying! He couldn’t grasp the simplest of tasks. Teaching him how to text was probably responsible for about a quarter of the grey hair on Tony’s head. However, after about two hours of explanations, eye rolls and thinly veiled death threats, Steve could text. Well, sort of; he treated texting like a telegram, using ‘stop’ and what not… But, good enough for Tony.

“Alright, Steve, first choose a screenname.”

“Uh, like Jonathan?”

“Jonathan? Why? What does that have to do with you?”

“Nothing. Am I supposed to name the screen after myself?”

“Oh my god.” It was in moments like these that Tony regretted that he stopped drinking. “It’s like a nickname for your account.”

“Ah, ok. Well, the only nickname I really ever had was Stevie. Sometimes Bucky calls me punk, but…”

“No”, Tony interrupted him, “something people will remember you by. Like Clint. His is ‘eyeofthehawk’, Bruce is ‘drbanner’. Peter’s secret Spider-Man account that he doesn’t know I know about is called ‘itsybitsy’.”

“Got it”, Steve nodded. “How about ‘captainrogers’?”

“Go for it.”

Tony regretted it the moment he said it. It might only be 13 letters, but having Steve typing them out could take forever.

“Where’s the p?”

Watching Steve type on a keyboard… After what Tony endured in Afghanistan, he didn’t use the word lightly, but it was torture. He wouldn’t expect him to be a ten-finger-typer, but was it that hard to use a third one every now and then? Tony was glad that he didn’t have to handle the typing lesson, though having Bruce do it was in retrospect maybe not the best idea, as the hulk-sized hole in the wall reminded them. In moments like these, Tony was admittedly a little bit jealous that he could not give his anger as much gusto; blasting Steve out of frustration just didn’t have the same effect as hulking out on him.

“Now I need to choose an Avatar. Wait, isn’t that some kind of blue alien?”

“Yes, but here it means a picture of you for your account.”

“Alright!” Steve turned back to the screen and smiled widely, staying still like that for a while.

Tony dreaded the answer, but asked anyways: “Steve? What are you doing?”

Not breaking the smile, he answered through his teeth: “I’m letting it take a picture of me!”

“Oh god!” With a groan, Tony dropped his head on his hands. “It doesn’t automatically take your picture, you… You have to… Ugh, nevermind.” Tony pulled the laptop towards himself, clicking the necessary buttons. “You like this one?”

A picture of Steve from the last Avenger party popped up, a close-up of his face, smiling from ear to ear. It was safe to assume that he was a little drunk on Asgardian mead, but not so much that it’d show.

“Yes, I look nice”, he smiled proudly.

“Great. You can also choose a header picture, Basically there for decoration. In your case, I would suggest something with your shield.” Tony was done letting Steve figure this out by more or less himself; for the sake of his sanity he took control. “How about this one?”

“From the Captain America Exhibit, good choice!”

“Perfect. We’re almost done”, Tony reassured, more himself than Steve though. “To finish your profile we need a short statement that describes you.”

“Like on tinder?”

“You’re on tinder?” Tony couldn't believe what he heard just there.

“No, at least I don’t think so. Clint showed me, he tried to set me up there.”

“Knowing Barton there is definitively an account in your name”, Tony laughed.

“Yeah, well, maybe it works out in the end, who knows”, Steve shrugged with a grin.

“Stranger things have happened”, Tony grinned back. “But yeah, your twitter bio is a little like on tinder. It can be a description of what you do, can be a catchphrase…”

“What does yours say?”

“Genius, Billionaire, Philanthropist.”

“I remember that”, Steve laughed, “but wasn’t there a ‘playboy’ somewhere in there?”

“That was before Pepper made an honest man of me.”

“Good for you.”

“More like life saving.”

Before Tony could lose himself in thoughts of Pepper, Steve got back on topic. “What would you suggest for my twitter?”

“World’s Oldest Boyscout?”, Tony grinned.

“Ha ha, very funny.”

“Star Spangled Avenger?”

“Eh…”

“Steve, you can change it anytime, it won’t be there forever if you don’t want it to.”

“Really? Oh, that takes off a lot of pressure”, Steve exhaled, visibly relieved.

“How about we go with ‘The First Avenger’ for now, and if we come up with something better, we can change it, deal?”

“Good idea. Ok, and now I can connect to other people?”

“Yes, that’s called following. You can search for people here. How about you start with us Avengers?”

“I was going to suggest the same thing. What is your name?”

“iamironman.”

Slowly, very, very painfully slowly, but surely, Steve found one Avenger after the other.

“Cool, now I can write my very first tweet: _‘Hello world, Captain Ste_… where’s the v? Ah, got it…_ ve Rogers here, thanks to Tony_… how do I hashtag you in this?”

“You use hashtag…”

“And then you’re connected to my tweet?”

“Oh, you want to tag me? Nah, that’s different than hashtag.”

“But it’s literally called a hash-TAG!”

“Yeah…” Tony had to give him that one. “Basically tagging is for people and hashtag is for things and topics.”

“Ok, so how do I tag you?”

“You use the @-sign.”

“Where is that?” Confused, Steve looked over the keyboard. Man, it would be easier to teach a cat how to dance…

“Here.” Tony leaned over and typed in the key-combo and his handle. “There. Now I am… connected… to your tweet.”

“Thank you! So, where was I… ah yes: ‘_thanks to @iamironman for putting up my account!!!_”

“Now send it off.”

“But I didn’t hashtag it!”

“What do you want to hashtag?”

“I don’t know”, he shrugged, “I thought you had to hashtag every tweet.”

“No, you don’t. If you want to, you can put #avengers or something, but you don’t have to.”

“No, if I do it, I’m going to do it right!” Determined, Steve searched for the hashtag, finally found it and, with the #avengers, he sent it off.

“Congratu-fucking-lations.” Tony slumped back in his chair, exhaling loudly.

“Thanks, you are the best!” With a wide smile, Steve got up, patted his shoulder and walked towards the door. “I have to tell the others I have a twitter!”

Huh. Either Steve was totally oblivious to the Avengers annoyance and exasperation to his tech-abilities - well, lack thereof – or he was an expert at overplaying it. It had to be the latter, right? Tony was king of wearing his heart on his sleeve, never hiding what he thought, and Bruce even hulked out on him. If that wasn’t a sign that Steve was exhaustingly useless…

But steadily, Steve tackled one issue after the other. He already had an email address and even mastered Google. Boy, that was a tough one… And Tony didn’t even understand how, google was pretty self-explanatory after all! But no, it took an entire team of superheroes to teach Rogers how to use it.

“How do I make google do the thing?”

“Well, what do you want to know?”

“I don’t know… What can I ask it?”

“Everything, Steve.”

“Oh wow. Then how about what it knows about me?”

“Just write it in that little box.”

“Ok, here goes. Dear Google, what do you know about me?”

Cue Clint and Nat rolling on the floor laughing and Tony rolling his eyes so hard he got a headache just thinking back on it.

“Steve, Google doesn’t know who you are.”

“Oh, right, how silly off me! Let me fix it: Dear Google, what do you know about me, Steven Grant Rogers?”

By now, Clint was pretty much hyperventilating and Nat’s face was almost as red as her hair.

“Fucking hell, Rogers, your brain still frozen?”

“Dude, just write ‘Captain America’ or something, Google doesn’t have feelings!”, Clint called out in between gasping for air.

“So Google is not like JARVIS or FRIDAY?”

“You made him a twitter account?” Bruce walked in, ripping Tony out of his stroll down memory lane.

“Yeah.” Exhausted, he rubbed his eyes. “Before you ask, about as bad as you’d expect.”

“That bad, huh?”

“Ugh”, Tony groaned.

“At least you didn’t destroy a wall while trying to teach Rogers…” With a sheepish smile, Bruce glanced at the wall, well, at where a wall used to be. After Hulk punched through it, everyone was too lazy to fix it. So, instead Tony left it like it was and called it ‘Modern Art’.

“If crashing a wall would get me out of technifying Steve, I’d tear this entire building down.”

“Now you’re exaggerating.”

“Maybe… Ugh, why did I stop drinking? I could really do with a whiskey right about now.”

“No, you don’t. We just need to restore your faith in humanity. Isn’t Peter coming by later?”

“You’re right!” Tony’s mood already lit up. Ten minutes in the workshop with the kid, and the world would already be a better place.

“There you go.”

.

Working with Peter was the exact opposite to this morning’s twitter lesson. He was quick, smart, good at following instructions and had a keen eye for the little details.

“Mr. Stark, is it cool if I stay for dinner? May has to work late and I really don’t feel like being alone at home.”

“Of course, you’re always welcome here.” Tony looked over at where only a bushel of brown locks peaked out from a bunch of cables.

“Thanks!”, the kid called before he resurfaced with a grin. “So, what’s for dinner?”

“Is this your way of telling me that you’re hungry?”

“Maybe…”

Tony snorted a laugh at the part sheepish, part cheeky but completely adorable look on Peter’s face. “If we’re lucky there are still leftovers. Wash up and let’s see what we can find.”

They were indeed lucky; there was more than enough of last night’s spaghetti for even Peter’s enhanced metabolism.

Now, having Peter over changed the atmosphere of the compound somewhat. Tony couldn’t explain it, but, well, his heart wasn’t the only one Peter had ingrained himself into; he just had that effect on people, waking some kind of protective instinct in every single one of them. So it wasn’t surprising that within minutes of the two of them sitting down in the kitchen, some of the others just happened to join them, chatting on about anything and everything.

“I feel like dessert”, Tony walked over to the fridge, “you want a pudding?”

“Always!”

“Chocolate or vanilla?”

“I’m hurt that you have to ask!”, Peter called back.

Tony grinned and grabbed two cups of chocolate pudding, before closing the door and turning back around towards the table, where Steve and Peter were whispering.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing!”, the kid answered, way too loudly and quickly to be innocent.

Steve, who did a little better with acting nonchalant, just shrugged.

“Peter?”

He was by now redder than his suit and stared nervously at the floor.

“Stark, don’t worry about it.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, have you met me?” Tony sat back down, locking eyes with the kid. “No pudding for you until you ‘fess up.”

“That’s not fair”, Peter protested, “it has absolutely nothing to do with you!”

By now everyone had assembled around the table, the curiosity tangible.

“Is it that bad?” Tony suddenly got worried. What was going on that Peter was comfortable confiding in Steve instead of him? After all, Tony was his mentor, had made it his personal mission to make sure that the kid was alright, physically and mentally!

Helpless, Peter looked up at Steve, who fell on one of the chairs with a deep sigh. “Damnit, I really hoped to keep this secret a little while longer”, he grumbled. “Tell them.”

“What, no, Mr. Rogers, it’s not…”

“Peter”, he interrupted the kid, “we’re not getting out of this until they know the truth. And, who knows, maybe they will be more forgiving hearing it from you.”

“I wouldn’t bet on it”, Tony grumbled. “You have the floor Mr. Parker.”

“Well”, Peter cleared his throat, “the Avengers are very present on YouTube, especially thanks to Mr. America’s channel.”

“You have a YouTube channel?” Incredulously, Clint stared at Steve, who nodded silently.

“The channel is called: ‘How Long Can I Keep My Friends Convinced I Have No Idea What Technology Is?’ and yes, it is exactly what it sounds like.”

“You son of a bitch!”

“How dare you?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

The room erupted in outrage, everyone started yelling at Steve, who turned beetred and sank deeper and deeper in his chair.

“And you knew?” Nat glared at Peter. “You knew and you didn’t tell us!”

“But those videos are so funny!”, Peter exclaimed, “I mean the Google one is just brilliant.”

“It is my most successful one, I got around 30 million hits on that one”, Steve explained proudly.

“Dear Google, what do you know about me?”, Peter giggled. “Oh, and today’s twitter vid was so good, too! I think I’m going to call my laptop Jonathan from now on.”

“I can’t believe you.” Tony interrupted Peter’s excited snickering. “You son of a bitch. At least tell me you edit that stuff, cut out the more sensitive stuff…”

“Yeah, of course”, Steve nodded reassuringly, “don’t worry, I make sure that no secrets or identities are exposed.”

“Good.”

“So, sounds like you discussed something confidential this morning?”, Peter grinned. Man, Peter and curiosity went together like PB and J.

“Oh, just your twitter.”

“But my twitter isn’t classified”, Peter answered a little nervously.

“Sure it isn't, itsybitsy.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” His voice was almost calm, but his face was deep red.

“Come on, kid”, Clint threw in, “you really think you can have a secret Avenger stan account and we wouldn’t find out?”

“Like we found Cap’s YouTube account?”, Bruce countered.

“Ok, but one is military trained and the other is a teenager…”

“Not the point right now”, Tony dismissed the topic, “though I would like to say how much I enjoyed that little ‘How Tony Stark Deserves His Own Monument-Rant’, but we can discuss this another time. He shot the kid a grin and Peter looked like he just wanted to hide under the table.

“Steve”, he turned his attention back to the actual culprit, “I demand retribution.”

“What, want to upload videos of me teaching you history?”

“Too on the nose”, Nat interjected.

“Agreed. But don’t worry, it will come back to bite you in the ass when you least expect it!”

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any ideas what the Avenger's revenge would be I might be down to write that ;)


End file.
